I am a student of contrasts. By observing opposite positions or outcomes, I find myself asking questions that help me learn, and I love to learn.
Recently, I observed this behavior and couldn’t resist a subsequent study in contrast:
One person receives a $5 gift card to a local coffee shop and thinks it is the most thoughtful gift EVER. Another person receives a similar gift card, shrugs their shoulders and offers no verbal response.
What prompted the giving of the gift cards?
Does one recipient like coffee more than the other?
Was it the choice of the coffee shop?
Is one person inherently more expressive than the other?
Did I misinterpret the shoulder shrug?
How do I answer these questions?
Sometimes I can engage the people involved in my contrast study. Sometimes I have a conversation in my head, which can go back and forth for hours. Sometimes I ask a friend for their insights while we are sharing a cup of coffee at a local establishment. My treat. (A variety of tactics is good.)
Here are three lessons learned from the $5 gift card contrast study.
- Gifts of any amount are affected by timing. The first recipient received the gift card out of the blue as general encouragement for their work.
- A shoulder shrug can in fact be an affirming outward expression. What a great reminder for this extravert, who was quick to judge and label the behavior.
- Big of small, young or old – almost everybody likes gifts.
Since people drive business, anything you can do to better understand them has the potential to amplify your success. A study in contrasts is one strategy to employ toward that goal.
From my gift card study, consider:
Would your staff or co-workers benefit from an out of the blue appreciation gesture? Have you taken time to consider the unique gifts of your staff? When is the last time you gave an unexpected gift?
One of my favorite books that has helped me in my relationship with others is The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. People feel “love” through different ways, one of which is gifts – the giving and receiving of gifts. To some, getting a gift is the ultimate symbol of love, to others something else such as “touch” or “words of affirmation” or “acts of service” or “quality time” is their symbol of love.
What you observed may have been two people who speak different love languages. Both were happy with their gift, but to one it was a much deeper symbol than it was to the other.
Phil – I love Gary’s book and love that you took the time to comment. Your insights about love languages are on target. I find it fascinating that our preferences can be different depending on whether we are giving gifts or receiving them. From parenting to leading a team to managing a staff, this material definitely adds value. Thanks for bringing it to today’s conversation.
Tim,
I realize it might not have been the primary point of the blog posting today, but I love the suggested practice of intentional observation and curiosity about people and situations (contrast study). Thanks for not only that suggestion but a very clear example of it in action. And thanks for taking us along for your inner monologue of learning. Good stuff.
Tim Spiker
Apologies, Nancy. I missed that you authored this as opposed to Tim Miles. Great job.
Thanks, Tim for taking time to encourage us. We appreciate it. Hey, don’t worry about writing to Tim Miles first. Frankly, I’m flattered that anything I write beyond a phone message might be attributed to him. I am still pinching myself that I get to contribute to this ballpark of creativity. Glad your part of our online crew and encourage YOU to stay in touch. We listen. Enjoy your weekend!