Ryan nailed it yesterday writing about the dumbest opening lines for radio ads in the history of the earth – wasting great opportunities to promote products and services with lazy, bad writing.
The two lines he offered as exhibits A & B were:
“Do you want to be in the market for new windows?”
“You’ve waited all year for something this amazing.”
Ryan gave great suggestions of how to begin ads for these two companies (a window company and Chevy), but I want to give you a second option.
Use the lines. Yep, use the dumbest opening lines in the history of the earth.
Disclaimer – I’m a witless lout who’s a fraction of the writer Ryan is. This may very well be a really stupid idea. The stupidest, in fact, in the history of the earth.
Fasten your seat belts… here we go…
Puckleschwartz Windows
Do you want to be in the market for new windows?
Asked no one. Ever.
Gee, do you want to kicked in the groin? Drink paint? Lick a dog? And not just one of those new hybridy-hypo-allergenic-won’t-ever-shed-on-the-couch-dog, I’m talking Shetland… in August… with a condition.
That’s the kind of dog you don’t want to lick, and you’d still rather do that than have to be in the market for new windows. Tell me I’m lying.
(silence)
So, if you gotta be in the market for new windows, wouldn’t you rather buy ones with a 347-year guarantee? (sfx: Dog barks)
That ensure you a 20% savings on your energy bills? (sfx: Dog barks)
That are so easy to lift and clean your (sfx: dog barks)… well, I was going to say 3-year-old could lift them, but sure… your dog could do it.
Puckleschwartz Windows won’t win any popularity contests… we were the quiet A-students in the back of the class… we were the ones the moms liked… we were the bass players. But we know windows, and with no less than six guarantees of our work and word, when you’re forced to be in the market for new windows, with Puckleschwartz, you won’t have to be in the market for any longer than it takes to whack yourself in the shin with a hammer.
(external voice: Owwwww!)
Boom. Done. Puckleschwartz Windows. You’ll see right through us.
(sfx: dog barks)
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