How Not To Fill Out Your Bracket

WARNING: If you want to have any chance of winning your March basketball bracket, do NOT follow these tips. Thank you.

Pick winning teams based on their school colors. 

Copy a celebrity’s bracket. Because, y’know, celebrities know everything.

Select only higher seeds.

Select only lower seeds.

Choose teams alphabetically.

Pick your hometown team to go all the way… even if they’re a 14-seed.

Pull names out of a hat.

Upsets. Only upsets.

Pick the funniest names. (i.e. Gonzaga, Billikins, etc.)

Which team has the handsomest coach.

Let your baby or dog pick the teams. Or both.

Root against one school for some random, silly reason (geographical bias, college rejected you, etc.)

Pick the teams with more Facebook likes.

Always pick one 12 over a 5. (Adjusting for inflation, you could also pick a 13 over a 4.)

Always pick one 5 over a 12.

Choose based on the college’s graduation rates.

Base your picks on the volume of celebrity alumni.

Pick the team with the higher number of wins in the regular season.

Put all the number one seeds in the finals.

Who has the cuddliest mascot.

Flip a coin.

Google “Best ways to fill out a bracket”

Thank you. We hope you find these useful.

Oh, and in case you were thinking about entering ole’ Warren’s Billion Dollar Bracket Challenge… just keep in mind… the odds of winning are 1 in 9.2 quintillion!

According to Fox Sports, there are seven things that are more likely than a perfect bracket:

1. Catching a ball at a MLB game twice: 1 in 316,969
2. Dealt a royal flush in first five cards: 1 in 649,740
3. Winning Olympic gold: 1 in 662,000
4. High school player making it to the NBA: 1 in 6.9 million
5. Shark attack: 1 in 11.5 million
6. Struck by lightning twice in the same year: 1 in 490 billion
7. Five straight 16-0 NFL seasons: 1 in 1.3 quadrillion

And besides, I’m winning it… so you can’t. So long, Cinderella.