“My name is Tiger Woods, and I’m a jerk.”

Tiger Woods, in his statement, made it sound more as though he were sorry for getting caught rather than for repeatedly cheating on his wife.

Steve Holstein, on what Tiger Woods should have said:

“My name is Tiger Woods and I’m a jerk. For starters, I repeatedly cheated on my wife. For that I have no one to blame but myself. Period. I have embarrassed my family, my mother, the memory of my father, and my fellow golfers. And I’ve let my fans and sponsors down. For years I’ve been given a free pass for my immature behavior on the golf course and my cold demeanor at the microphone, but those days are over. From this day forward you will see a new, improved Tiger Woods — a Tiger Woods who gets it. A Tiger Woods who will wake up grateful every morning and go to bed humble each night. I now understand that someone who makes millions by asking the public to trust his opinion of a certain brand watch, golf ball, or car deserves to be held to a higher moral standard. I get it now and will not blame anyone else for this mess. To everyone, but especially to my wife, I am sorry I cheated and lied.”

Hello world, indeed.