A couple days back, I expressed my frustration with an email I got from a sales rep.
A colleague, journalist, and now ivory-towered academic asked in the comments how I might have written that email. He’s the instructor-type, you know.
And, as usual, Joey was right. I sat down and – in about six minutes – wrote a draft and made one round of edits to this email.
I tried to compare apples to apples. I include a mention of bonus spots and one of those punctuation-smiley-face things that irritated me so much in her email.
If you haven’t read hers, click here to open it in a new window/tab. Please read it … it’ll only take a second … we’ll wait … … …
Okay. Here’s my attempt to write a better, more persuasive one. Remember the goal of both letters: To Get More of My Client’s Money.
Hi Tim,
I’m [media rep] for [radio station]. We’ve never met but I replaced [previous media rep] at [radio station].
During the holidays, I left a message just giving you heads-up that your initial grand-opening flight for [client]’s location in [town] will expire at the end of January.
Time flies, doesn’t it?
I see from her file that you already feel you have a strong strategy and she wrote that “he told me he’ll be the easiest client in the world if you really just do what he asks and give him the lowest rates possible.” 🙂
I would certainly like to try to keep your business with us. I can offer you some tremendous rates, and you already know we’re a good fit geographically. I think I can bring [client] a lot of local people for the money.
Would you mind if I showed you what I have? I can send it via email, but I’d really prefer to meet you so I can look you in the eyes while I present and we can both put faces with names.
You’re in Columbia? I can come to Columbia on Monday, Tuesday, or Thursday next week, or I’d be more than happy to buy you and [client] lunch in [her city] anytime next week.
I talked to my boss, and we’re going to extend your contract at no charge for another two weeks to give us a chance to talk if you like.
What do you say? May I buy you lunch, meet with you, or at the very least email you what I have to offer?
Thanks for your time, Tim. And thanks for your business these past six months. I promise I can be the easiest rep to work with in the world.
[New Rep]
P.S. – This was the number I had on file for you. Do you have a different number you prefer I call? Do you simply prefer email? Please let me know.
Well? How did I do? Here’s your chance to passive-agressively critique my email to myself in the comments below. What would you have done differently?
Well, I’m sure that’s what they MEANT to say.
Hi ya Tim…Well, in the letter writer’s defense, she was new and she was contacting Tim Miles not really knowing who you were. But she WAS contacting people and trying to sell advertising, which is what her boss probably told her was her job. I fault the training she received; and the smiley face was just a thing of being friendly. I use the smiley face on my emails to people a lot 🙂 I have never considered that it might not be an appropriate thing to do.
I do it because I smile a lot.
Now about your letter back to her. You are a very highly paid professional writer and can write something in 6 minutes that most people could not think of in 3 days.
I am going to give her letter and your letter to the General Sales Mgr at Bristol Broadcasting and suggest he use both of them to train the 15 people on the sales staff.
Thank you for your helpful words of wisdom for the young lady. Maybe she was doing the best she could, with the little training she had.
Sincerely
Clay Campbell Wizard of Ads LTD in Kentucky
Clay – Thanks for commenting. I use smiley faces all the time. It wasn’t that she used one that bugged me. It was that she used one right after telling me a gift wasn’t really a gift. That’s weasel-y, I don’t care if it’s your first day or your fiftieth year.
You think I’m very highly paid? Heck, you think I’m professional?
Awesome! 🙂
A writer friend on facebook read it and liked it, but he said it was too long. He’s right, of course, but this could be an awfully good letter … and shorter … with just a bit of editing.e
Great two part post Tim. Its super easy to point out how other people suck but its challenging to help people improve. I’m always looking for feedback and frankly would really appreciate it someone wrote me a response that said “this really turned me off, but here’s an example of something I would have responded positively to.”
Across the business spectrum I wish more people had the time and inclination to provide this type of insight. As an agency geek that straddles the fence between strategic consulting and new biz dev it would be extraordinary if more clients and prospects would just tell me how best they want to be communicated with, rather than make me decipher mixed signals and vague responses.
As always, I enjoy your writing and look forward to the next post.
I’m posting your revised letter on my board over my compter screen.
I think a professional sales person should know the difference between “there” and “their”. If not use MS Outlook or an email application that helps you spell and use proper grammar. I liked Tim’s response, it sounds like the sales person made an effort to review the file and learn something about the client.