A couple days back, I expressed my frustration with an email I got from a sales rep.
A colleague, journalist, and now ivory-towered academic asked in the comments how I might have written that email. He’s the instructor-type, you know.
And, as usual, Joey was right. I sat down and – in about six minutes – wrote a draft and made one round of edits to this email.
I tried to compare apples to apples. I include a mention of bonus spots and one of those punctuation-smiley-face things that irritated me so much in her email.
If you haven’t read hers, click here to open it in a new window/tab. Please read it … it’ll only take a second … we’ll wait … … …
Okay. Here’s my attempt to write a better, more persuasive one. Remember the goal of both letters: To Get More of My Client’s Money.
I’m [media rep] for [radio station]. We’ve never met but I replaced [previous media rep] at [radio station].
During the holidays, I left a message just giving you heads-up that your initial grand-opening flight for [client]’s location in [town] will expire at the end of January.
Time flies, doesn’t it?
I see from her file that you already feel you have a strong strategy and she wrote that “he told me he’ll be the easiest client in the world if you really just do what he asks and give him the lowest rates possible.” 🙂
I would certainly like to try to keep your business with us. I can offer you some tremendous rates, and you already know we’re a good fit geographically. I think I can bring [client] a lot of local people for the money.
Would you mind if I showed you what I have? I can send it via email, but I’d really prefer to meet you so I can look you in the eyes while I present and we can both put faces with names.
You’re in Columbia? I can come to Columbia on Monday, Tuesday, or Thursday next week, or I’d be more than happy to buy you and [client] lunch in [her city] anytime next week.
I talked to my boss, and we’re going to extend your contract at no charge for another two weeks to give us a chance to talk if you like.
What do you say? May I buy you lunch, meet with you, or at the very least email you what I have to offer?
Thanks for your time, Tim. And thanks for your business these past six months. I promise I can be the easiest rep to work with in the world.
P.S. – This was the number I had on file for you. Do you have a different number you prefer I call? Do you simply prefer email? Please let me know.
Well? How did I do? Here’s your chance to passive-agressively critique my email to myself in the comments below. What would you have done differently?